Parents Of Suicide
Writings Library
Danny B.s Story

Sandra Nowalk
August 19, 2000

On Saint Patrick's Day, 3/17/77, Daniel Charles Priestly Bossard was born, all nine pounds and four ounces, wow, was he a big boy! Because he was born C-Section, we had to stay in the hospital a week. But on the day he was welcomed home there waiting for him were his brothers, Michael, age 14 3/4 (his 15th birthday was April 1st), Patti-Sue, age 11 (she had just had a birthday March 8th) and last but not least big brother Jason, who was 4 1/2.

We were all very excited to get this big guy home, although both his father and I had been married before Danny was the first and only child we had together. All together the total of our children numbered 6, Danny had two other sisters whom where born from Chuck's first marriage, Sharri, Age 11 1/2, and Jill, age 8 3/4(she also had a birthday coming up in April) So Danny was certainly blessed with many siblings, and he loved them all

Right from the beginning he was specially close to Patti, at age 11 she became like a second mother to him, he called her Tita (heard me yell at her a couple of times Patricia), and his next best buddy was Jason(Dase). His oldest brother Michael was so much older than Danny. Danny was always kind of in awe of him, in fact when Michael graduated and moved to New York City, Danny and Jason use to go visit him in the summer time and we would hear for months after how much fun they had.

Danny had to write a theme once in school to whom he would most be like,. He wrote about his big brother Michael!

When Danny was 8 years old, his father left the family, it was a shocking, upsetting time for all of us, but most devastating to Danny. The woman his father left us for was my best friend, (she was like an aunt to my children), and her little boy was Danny's best friend in school. When this separation took place, Jason could not handle the stress, I had to be hospitalized, Patti came back home to watch the boys, but Jason was upset beyond belief and after many discussions we decided the best thing would be for Jason to go and live with his biological father. Another horrible blow for Danny.

All at once he had seen his loving family fall apart, his Daddy was gone, a woman who he had loved as a family member was the reason his daddy had left, his beloved brother Dace, was gone, Mommy was in the hospital, and later home crying all the time. Even at school it was a turmoil. One day during English class his best friend, stood up and read a paper saying. "Danny's father doesn't love him any more cause now he is living with my mommy, my sister and me, and he's my daddy now."

Things were really bad for quite awhile. His father was completely out of his life for almost a year. This time took a great toll on my little boy. Time went along and soon it was just Danny and me. We saw Jason every weekend, and Patti when she would pop in to see how we were doing.

During the next several years Danny's dad came back into his life, he had married that woman but then a year later divorced her, apparently she was the one that didn't want Danny in their life.

Once his father came back into his life, I could see Danny's eyes brighten up again. Danny also began to see his other two siblings (Shari & Jill) whom he had not seen much of when his Dad wasn't around.

Also I must admit during these years I had several relationships with men, and it would seem like just as Danny would become close to them, they would walk away, because of not wanting commitment. Danny always took these rejections as personal, although I would try to show him that they weren't. When Danny was 13, his father met a woman 25 years younger then himself and it became a serious relationship. She had two small boys (babies), she also was very jealous of Danny and his father's relationship.

About this time Danny began getting in trouble with the law. He stole some money from a woman and was put on a type of juvenile probation. He started hanging around with kids that were always in trouble, and became rebellious.

We would go through some real great periods, and he would spend weekends with his brother, Jason (who only lived a few miles away, with his father).

On August 24, 1991, I remarried, and I didn't learn until later that Danny had cried during the whole ceremony (I think it was the finality that his dad and I weren't getting back together.) My new husband was someone that I had known all of my life, but had lost contact with for over 20 years. At first he was real good to Danny, and Danny seemed to really like him. My husband was a construction worker and out of the state a lot, so for the first couple of years he was only with us on the weekends.

But then came the third year, he was injured at work and home for 6 months, at this time both Danny and I realized that Phil(my husband) had a serious problem with alcohol, and a very bad temper management problem. I will not even go into all of the problems we had that year, but they were bad, and on top of those problems I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, and was in a lot of pain, and not able to end the marriage so Danny and I could be on our own again.

So most of the time Danny and I would walk around on eggshells, not knowing what to expect. There would be days that Phil would be real happy go lucky and then there were those days - Watch Out-.

Danny would go on the weekends to his Dad's house which was not much better. His father's girlfriend, Darcy, had grown to really dislike Danny. She would lock up food so that Danny could not get it, and then give treats to her own boys. She was really a witch. My daughter and I could not believe that someone would actually do this, until one day when we went to pick Danny up to bring him home, and we saw the locks on the cupboards!!! When I asked his father why he was allowing her to do this, his reply was, " oh you know, she's so much younger then me, she's closer to Danny's age, and it's just a kid thing!"

The summer Danny was 17 he lived in a camper behind his father's house, he loved the camper but had a hard time keeping food there (even though there was a refrigerator), because every time he would leave, Darcy would turn off the electricity. Believe me she was not a nice woman!

On April 27, 1996 Danny married the love of his live, Penny. They loved each other so very much, but as we know love does not always keep us together. They tried hard but Danny, by now had a serious problem with alcohol, and depression. Danny was just turned 19, and Penny was almost 20, but they were both very immature. If they managed to scrape $20 together, they would buy a remote control car, instead of groceries.

There were many separations, and during once of them Danny stole a truck from the town his father lived in. He drove this vehicle to the town I lived in (about twenty miles apart), and he proceeded to drive this car all through our town, going by all of his relatives homes, including mine. The local police had thought it was odd that some out of towner was driving all around our little town, in a stolen vehicle. He then proceeded to lead police on a 4 hour, three county high-speed chase. Leading the police right back to his father's house. It took a hostage negotiator 3 hours to talk Danny out of the loaded shotgun he had in his arms pointed toward his head.

When he finally surrendered they took him to the local jail. I was very upset over that because in October of 1995, Danny had attempted a very serious suicide attempt with a lethal overdose of pills, which put him on life supports for several days. The police in our community knew this and were aware of his suicidal depression, and previous attempt.

Danny was in jail for a short period of time, then was let out on bail. He attempted to reconcile with his wife, but that did not last long. He then took two of his best friends "shopping", by writing several bad checks on his checking account. Once again they put him in jail. While there he decided that he needed to ask for help. He contacted an agency called "Alternative to Incarceration".

They did an in depth investigation, and we all went to court for the outcome. Danny stood up and the judge read the following, "Although Daniel Bossard needs inpatient treatment for his problems with alcohol abuse, depression, and suicidal thoughts and attempts, nothing can be done right now, because, neither Danny, nor either one of his parents have the right type of insurance or the cash needed to have this treatment. I will give him 30 more days in jail".

We were stunned. Danny went back to jail, but, just 5 days later he was released because of good behavior. He came home with me.

Danny was not he same boy, he couldn't look anyone in the eye, he told me that he was so ashamed at what he had done, and for the way he had hurt us all. I tried to tell him that tomorrow was a new day and to think of it as the first day of the rest of his life.

For awhile he did try, but once again my husband became his usual hurtful self, and was very mean to Danny. It all became too much, and I sat everybody down and told them that we needed to start over as a family, and to start being good to each other, if there was a problem, we would discuss it as a family. We all agreed to do this. I noticed a couple of days later that it seemed to be working, my husband Phil and Danny were really trying to get along.

Then on the night of the 13th of December, I heard Danny's dog, Max barking down by Danny's door. I went down the hall to investigate, and there was a note on his door, and Danny was not there. The note said for me not to worry that he wouldn't do anything to hurt us, he just wanted some time without parental guidance and he would call us soon.

I was scared to death, didn't know where he had gone and could not find out anything, until Christmas Eve. He left a message on my answering machine, that he was sorry for all the bad things he had done, voices were telling him that it was his time to go, and that his father and I had been the best parents a kid could ever have. And then he said, "I Love you Mom."

On the morning of December 27th, 1996, my beloved son, my youngest child was found on a back road in Virgil, New York. He was inside a white van that he had taken from his father's home without permission. The radio was playing, the heater was running, it was nice and warm, he had shot himself in the head, and in his fingers he was clutching a Penny.

I also died that day, my life will never be the same If only - - -If only!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will love you forever my Danny, My SUN!,
Mom

Written by:
Sandra Nowalk
Mom to:
Danny B.
3/17/77 12/27/96